Saturday, August 14, 2010

Rink Rants Vol 5

Two months ago, I obliterated my face at the rink.

What happened was, a bunch of kids were goofing around, and 3-4 of them charged behind the goal crease like they'd just won the Stanley Cup, just as I was swooping behind the goal area doing crossovers. In an effort not to kill the little shits, I twisted and weaved, lost my balance, and hit my head on the ice. Result: 11 stitches and a permanent scar above my right eye that itches like hell when I sweat.

Six days later, I was right back on the ice. I thought I suffered no ill effects, neither physical nor psychological. If anything, I felt more confident, even defiant. For the last two months, I've been flying on the ice, getting better at lunges, backward crossovers, and hockey stops very close to the boards.

Last night, I realized that I didn't escape completely psychologically unharmed.

The rink was crowded last night; crowded with a bad mix of skaters. There were good skaters flying, lots of mediocre teenaged skaters cocking off, kids skating every which way, and plenty of n00bs clinging to the wall (and taking that usually safe avenue away).

One group of teenagers was the worst. Four of them: a fat douchebag in shorts and a pink polo shirt, another idiot with a blond Jew-fro, and one I will call Heinrich von Chinpubes, who for some reason wore the kind of skintight sweats areobics girls wear. And of course, a hot chick. These fucktools were all over the ice, sliding traffic cones to each other and chasing, grabbing and throwing each other to the ice. Despite the crowd, and not even looking around to see if anyone was near them.

This is why I think I'm not unharmed -- for the first time in a long time, I was actually nervous on the ice. I did NO lunges. I didn't skate backwards AT ALL. I practiced no mohawks, no turns, and rarely did power-crossovers.

Here's what I texted to my friends last night:

"I can't fucking wait for high school fucking football to fucking start so these fucking teenage fucktools WON'T BE AT THE FUCKING RINK ON FUCKING FRIDAYS!"

I stand by that. Thankfully, school starts soon for the fucking kids.

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